"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move; to feel the needs and hitches of our life more nearly; to come down off this feather-bed of civilisation, and find the globe granite underfoot and strewn with cutting flints."
- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894), Scottish novelist, essayist and poet
Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Japanese Hotel Room
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
On the Menu of a Polish Hotel
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Yugoslavian Hotel
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Bucharest Hotel Lobby
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Belgrade Hotel Elevator
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Hotel in Athens
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office.
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand.
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese Hotel
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In the Lobby of a Moscow Hotel Across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery
Dresses for street walking.
Outside a Paris dress shop
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Leipzig Elevator
Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's
For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self- service.
In a Hong Kong supermarket
It is not allow in the hotel room for guest participating in Illicit Arts, banging of firecrackers, gambling and wrestling.
Hotel Jincheng (Shenyang, China)
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the Menu of a Swiss Restaurant
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Paris Hotel Elevator
P.S. Total non sequitur, but for you SoCal residents, Obama is coming to visit you! Bask in his awesomeness for me!