a little humor for cinco de mayo

pregnant and crying? this'll make you feel better...

I've been much more emotional with this second pregnancy, and I found this to be both hilarious and comforting. If you or someone you know is pregnant and weepy, here's a list of things that have made other pregnant women cry that might make you/them feel better.

Enjoy!

what money cannot buy

I love this story from quora. Enjoy.

via

Life: What's the thing that money cannot buy?

James Altucher, Blogger, author...

Joseph Heller wrote the massive bestseller, Catch-22 about World War II. I recommend anyone read the book but that's not what this answer is about. 

Later in his life Heller went to a party in the Hamptons. Mostly young hedge fund guys at the party. 

While he was at the party, someone came up to him and pointed out some 25 year old guy. "You see that guy over there?" the someone said. "That guy made more money last year than all of your books will make in your entire lifetime, times ten." 

Joseph Heller looked at the 25 year old guy then said. "But I have one thing that that man will never have." 

His friend gave a sort of scoff and said, "What could that possibly be?" 

And Joseph Heller said, "Enough."

crappy pictures

For every mom who has been up all night nursing a little one, enjoy!

WHAT IT IS LIKE TO (NOT) SLEEP AT NIGHT – ILLUSTRATED WITH CRAPPY PICTURES™

JUNE 9, 2011 COMMENTS (869)

INTRO: Here is installment #2 in my “real life parenting” series.  I draw crappy pictures because I don’t have actual photos of these experiences.  Here goes…

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I’ve always been jealous of my husband’s ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. It isn’t his fault that he is a deep sleeper.  But I can’t help it.  It totally pisses me off.

We climb in bed at 9:00PM…

By 9:03 my husband is completely asleep.

I’m nursing my youngest and haven’t even begun to think about sleeping yet.  I lay there motionless, pretending to be calm and relaxed so he’ll fall asleep. Anyway, I’m cold since the blankets aren’t on my top half.

how a password can revolutionize your life

via

This article may make you erase all of your saved passwords as a password-as-mantra becomes a life-changing new tool.

Can password therapy really improve your life? Mauricio Estrella, an associate creative director in Shanghai, developed a unique way to create and remember passwords. He used a personal goal to create an affirmation and it became a password infused with the power of positive thinking. Here’s his story…

“How could she do something like this to me?” said the voice in my head, over and over.

It was 2011 and I was stuck in middle of a pretty bad depression due to my divorce.

Thankfully, I think I was smart enough (and had great people around me) so I managed my way out.

One day I walk into the office, and my computer screen showed me the following message:

“Your password has expired. Click ‘Change password’ to change your password.”

I read this dumb message in my mind with angry grandpa voice: The darn password has expired.

At my workplace, the Microsoft Exchange server is configured to ask thousands of employees around the planet to change their passwords. Every 30 days.

Here what’s annoying: The server forces us to use at least one UPPERCASE character, at least one lowercase alphabetic character, at least one symbol and at least one number. Oh, and the whole thing can’t be less than 8 characters. And I can’t use any of the same passwords I’ve used in the last 3 months.

I was furious that morning. A sizzling hot Tuesday, it was 9:40 a.m and I was late to work. I was still wearing my bike helmet and had forgotten to eat breakfast. I needed to get things done before a 10 a.m. meeting and changing passwords was going to be a huge waste of time.

As the input field with the pulsating cursor was waiting for me to type a password — something I’d use many times during every day — I remembered a tip I heard from my former boss.

And I decided: I’m gonna use a password to change my life.

It was obvious that I couldn’t focus on getting things done with my current lifestyle and mood. Of course, there were clear indicators of what I needed to do — or what I had to achieve — in order to regain control of my life, but we often don’t pay attention to these clues.

My password became the indicator. My password reminded me that I shouldn’t let myself be victim of my recent break up, and that I’m strong enough to do something about it.

My password became: “Forgive@h3r”

hyperbole and a half

My book group was considering this book, Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened, so I went to look at her blog, and I am in love.  Hilarious, self-deprecating and insightful.  Go here for the danger of a dinosaur costume, and enjoy!

real conversations with a two-year-old as reenacted by a full-grown man

Hope you're having a great summer so far.  Here's a little video that I thought was pretty fun.  Enjoy!

lessons learned from fighting little girls

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I had the pleasure of meeting up with Tricia, an old friend from ninth grade, and her partner, John, and they told me the best story I'd heard in a while.

Two little girls were fighting-- all-out yelling at each other.

Then, one of the girls said, "My daddy has a mustache."

The other responded, "Want to go jump on the couch?"

And the fight was over.

We should all remember this when fights get ridiculous and go jump on a couch instead.

Tricia also directed me to this video that embodies an amazing attitude about life.  Enjoy!

what a dad/son/photographer

These girls are adorable, and the story is pretty touching (from boredpanda):

If you are tired of posed, stiff and cheesy family portraits, then take a look at these incredibly creative pictures taken by Jason Lee.

Jason who is a wedding photographer started taking photos of his two little daughters back in 2006 when his mom was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. The girls were constantly sick, with colds and coughs so he couldn’t always bring them to visit their grandmother. Jason wanted her to be able to see her granddaughters without catching their kid germs so he started a blog where his mom could see what was going on in their lives.

Most of the ideas come from his daughters – eight-year-old Kristin and five-year-old Kayla. Jason says that they are never-ending source of ideas.

Lee is a really talented photographer in his own right (you can see his photography website here), but it's really the spirit of fun and whimsy of this collection that I love.  Here are some of my favorites.  Enjoy!

improv everywhere

I know, it's been ages.  Sorry.  I'm working on my work-life balance, and I'm starting to see light at the proverbial end of the tunnel.

So, on to happier things.  Like Improv Everywhere.  These clips were shot in New York, but I'd love to see more of this all over.

Enjoy!

And here's an old classic:

april fool's

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Well, that (last post) was depressing.

So, let's review some of the better April Fool's pranks.  Laughter does a body good.

- Gmail motion, where you can control your email with your body.  The guy they picked for the video demonstration is awesome.

- Starbucks mobile pour, where a barista on a scooter will deliver your half-caf mocha soy latte if you are between corners (insert Starbucks on every corner joke here).

 - The Huffington Post's hilarious spoof on the New York Times' recent digital subscription: you can see the first six letters for free but need a digital subscription to see more.

- NPR's Lasik-like procedure so you would see in 3D all the time-- and wear corrective lenses when you wanted to see real life.

 - Ryanair's child-free flights, inspired by a "Europe-wide survey of 1000 passengers" who stated that their flights had been ruined by other people's children and that they would pay more to be on child-free flights.

- Virgin's Richard Branson buys Pluto and reinstates it as a planet.

And there were some other random ones that deserved an honorable mention:

- alien sightings correlate with U.S. home prices
- ebook recycling
- alarm company's program to help criminals transition into used car salesman
- the 3D monocle that's "so real, you'd think you were using both eyes"
- the guy selling nothing on ebay (going for over $20, last time I looked)

The best pranks seem to come from the good ol' BBC, though, because their pranks are so clever, people actually believe them.  Like their "documentary" of penguins flying.  Here are a few more highlights.

Enjoy!

hilarious product reviews

If you thought shopping online had to be a ho-hum experience, you'll be glad to discover that product reviewers are becoming increasingly creative.

See, for example, these seemingly benign items on amazon: 1 gallon of Tuscan whole milk, a three wolf moon t-shirt or a $220,000 diamond ring ( Tempted, but not just yet: As nice as this ring is, I can't help feeling it's a bit overpriced. I'm going to wait until it drops to $217,500 before shelling out any of my hard earned cash. Amazon must think we're made of money!)

For kicks, you can even find uranium ore on amazon.

Got heaps of free time and don't know what to do with it?

You can always check out the Relaxman Relaxation Capsule or the laptop steering wheel desk , which was" Amazing! Holds my sheet music perfectly while driving" and "has been a total lifesaver. It allows me to prop my sheet music against the wheel, allowing me to play the guitar with both hands while driving."

It would seem the possibilities are endless.

Happy shopping. As George W. Bush reminded us, it's our American duty to help the economy in tough times.

245 cupcakes

That's how many my partner and I baked and frosted today (all from scratch, of course) for our students. Phew!

We made green tea cupcakes with green tea frosting, chai cupcakes with chai frosting, cream-filled chocolate chocolate chip cupcakes with vanilla frosting, banana cupcakes with honey frosting, coconut cupcakes with chocolate or vanilla frosting, vanilla cupcakes with chocolate or vanilla frosting...

And they disappeared in ten minutes. All 245 of them.

Students + finals = ravenous, apparently.

Poor kids. Good luck, everyone!

Lost (and humor) in translation

So, I have finally succumbed to the traveling bug that has been ailing me for quite some time now, and it's time to let the trip planning begin. To get started, here is a nice quote to set the mood and some funny signs seen while traveling, taken from travelpuppy. Enjoy!

"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move; to feel the needs and hitches of our life more nearly; to come down off this feather-bed of civilisation, and find the globe granite underfoot and strewn with cutting flints."

- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894), Scottish novelist, essayist and poet

Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Japanese Hotel Room

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

On the Menu of a Polish Hotel

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Yugoslavian Hotel

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Bucharest Hotel Lobby

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Belgrade Hotel Elevator

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Hotel in Athens

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office.

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand.

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese Hotel

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In the Lobby of a Moscow Hotel Across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery

Dresses for street walking.

Outside a Paris dress shop

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Leipzig Elevator

Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's

For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self- service.

In a Hong Kong supermarket

It is not allow in the hotel room for guest participating in Illicit Arts, banging of firecrackers, gambling and wrestling.

Hotel Jincheng (Shenyang, China)

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the Menu of a Swiss Restaurant

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a Paris Hotel Elevator

P.S. Total non sequitur, but for you SoCal residents, Obama is coming to visit you! Bask in his awesomeness for me!

The 25 Most Powerful Books. And Bert and Ernie doing gangsta rap.

Here is Mental Floss' 25 Most Powerful Books of the Past 25 Years, based on societal influence, not on publishing records.

It's a well-researched list, and the magazine offers detailed rationales for each book. Number 6, Ehrenreich's Nickle and Dimed, for example, helped lead Congress to raising the minimum wage in 2008.

The Washington Post didn't entirely agree, but it's an interesting list to consider.

1. And The Band Played On (1987) Randy Shilts
2. Maus (1991) Art Speigelman
3. Listening to Prozac (1993) Peter D. Kramer
4. Thinking in Pictures (1995) Temple Grandin
5. Nickle and Dimed (2001) Barbara Ehrenreich
6. Into Thin Air (1997) Jon Krakauer
7. The Satanic Verses (1988) Salman Rushdie
8. Middlesex (2002) Jeffrey Eugenides
9. The Alchemist (1988) Paolo Coelho
10. The Easy Way to Stop Smoking (1985) Allen Carr
11. A Perfect Spy (1986) John Le Carre
12. What is the What (2006) Dave Eggers
13. On Writing (2000) Stephen King
14. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (1994)
15. The Known World (2003) Edward P. Jones
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (1998) JK Rowling
17. How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997) Alain de Botton
18. The Bonfire of the Vanities (1987) Tom Wolfe
19. Infinite Jest (1996) David Foster Wallace
20. The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1984) Milan Kundera
21. Beloved (1987) Toni Morrison
22. The Handmaid's Tale (1985) Margaret Atwood
23. Freakonomics (2005) Stephen Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
24. Eats, Shoots & Leaves (2003) Lynne Truss
25. The Tipping Point (2000) Malcolm Gladwell


And in case you need a bit of levity in your life, here's Bert and Ernie's take on gansta rap. I can't really understand what they're saying, but it's highly entertaining. Enjoy!

Education and choosing who to rob

Education is a tough nut to crack. They seem to be trying everything to improve it. There are now standing desks, so students can fidget and blow off all the energy they want.

A fifth-grader is on a crusade to pass a law prohibiting homework (video)-- and garnering a surprising amount of support.

In Colorado, they're getting rid of grade levels and putting students in different 'levels' for each subject in what is being dubbed video-game progress, in which one stays at a level until they pass it.

And lastly, when choosing who to rob, thieves should remember that appearances can be deceiving. In England, a teen tried to rob a 72-year-old woman-- only to discover she was a champion sprinter when she was younger.

As Jean Hirst later recollected:

"She had a head start but I covered 70 yards in about 15 seconds and was within two strides of her when she looked over her shoulder and saw me. She probably thought I was an easy target but she shouldn't have judged a book by its cover. The look on her face was one of sheer amazement and she just threw my bag aside."

Everything is possible

Or at least, it's the title of both of these videos, which are pretty neat in very different ways.

The first everything is possible shows what happens when people try to do crazy and/or impossible things-- and actually pull it off. Complete with "Unchained Melody" remix and "Con Te Partiro" ending. (You can always turn the sound off if those aren't your thing.)


And here is a mesmerizing commercial entitled "everything is possible" of penguins flying.

Okay. It's beautiful 'footage,' but it isn't real. Here's how they made it, and here's BBC's April Fools' ad, "Flying Penguins on BBC Documentary," putting it all together. And it sounds like several British media outlets joined forces with the BBC (or perhaps fell for the joke), including the Telegraph, to break the 'miracle in evolution' story.

abc lists some other entertaining April Fools' jokes from 2008, including U.K. Chancellor Alistair Darling scratching lottery tickets in response to the weakening economy in this priceless photo:

and French President Sarkosy undergoing Stature Augmentation Treatment so as to be taller than his wife.

I was pretty impressed with how large in scale these were, and I think we need to step up our April Fools' efforts this year. Anyone with me?

Names, too much reality and a good life

I love the New York Times. Aside from the general desire to be a somewhat well-informed citizen, they have great op-eds, great Obama coverage, and totally random other stuff, like these recent pieces:

1. Shakespeare asked what was in a name, claiming that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Well, sometimes, the bard is wrong, and it just isn't true. Imagine being one of these people and how old the jokes would get. I vow never to make fun of anyone from being from a place like Crapstone ever again.

2. A creepy answer to "How do you know society's obsession with fame and reality entertainment has gone too far?"

3. In more positive news, John McPherson shows that one can make a difference in seemingly tiny ways.

Cue action movie soundtrack

Traveling can often be exciting. And I'm not even talking about the arriving at some breathtaking foreign scene and exploring little alleyways. No, I'm talking about the often banal process of traveling itself. The boarding of buses, trains, airplanes and so on.

I've had a few, shall we say memorable, experiences. When my partner and I were taking a train to the Venezuela-Brazil soccer game, we jumped onto the moving train while asking if it was the right one. (We could almost hear the "Indiana Jones" soundtrack as we caught the right train in motion-- and didn't maim ourselves in the process.)

Yesterday was such an occasion. We were supposed to fly to San Luis Obispo via Phoenix on an airline that will not be mentioned (cough, cough, US Airways). Our flight was supposed to depart from Boston at 4:30pm, we'd catch our connection in Phoenix around 8:30pm, and we'd be in San Luis by 9:30pm. Sounded great. Except that said airline announced that we were making an unexpected stop in Nashville, Tennessee, which would get us into Phoenix around 10:30pm. They said everyone with connecting flights should go back to the ticketing agents and no, they would not be putting anyone up for the night.

We leapt up and got back in line (and waited while the staff cut in front of us-- so much for customers first), and they said they couldn't get us into SLO in time for my partner's interview at 8am the following morning. We finally canceled the flight altogether and decided we were on a mission (cue "Mission Impossible" music) to get to SLO by 8am, no matter what it took.


We ran over to jetblue, bought tickets and hopped on the next flight to Oakland. (Once we were charged $15 for our one suitcase and saw signs for $2 sodas on the other airline, jetblue seemed like an oasis of luxury with their unlimited snacks and beverages.) For those of you who are familiar with San Luis Obispo, a charming little town on the Pacific coast about halfway between L.A. and San Francisco, you'll know that Oakland is not exactly nearby.

So, we arrived in Oakland around 11:30pm, and we were almost thwarted again as the car rental company we'd reserved through (Budget, who said they'd be open till 1am) was deserted and definitely closed before midnight. We checked the remaining companies and finally found our godsend at Avis around 1am and set off. My partner and I each drove half of the three hours and arrived in San Luis Obispo at 4am, checked into our hotel-- and my partner went to his interview without a hitch in the morning. Yay! (Cue "Rocky" music.)

Now, all we need for the happy ending is to get the job offer. With a huge bonus for trumping the travel-disaster gods and getting here in time anyway. Like unlimited funds to go traveling around the world, for example.

Friday funnies

One of my students introduced me to comedian Demetri Martin, who I am now a fan of. Here is a video that has random art (not his). I especially like his video game idea.

Enjoy!