coronavirus as blessing?

My friend, Vernie, used to always say what our overpopulated world really needs is a new plague that can indiscriminately take out a big chunk of the world's population, and while the coronavirus isn't that, I do think there is a silver lining to this cloud.

Obviously, I don't want innocent people dying or even feeling sick. I don't want to see people I love freaking out and buying hazmat suits because they're so scared of what could happen. My heart goes out to the people who are really stressed about schools closing and wondering how their kids who depend on the free lunches are going to eat— not to mention how they're going to work and make sure their family is both safe and also that all of the bills will be paid.

And yes, it's stressful to go shopping and find that Costco is out of toilet paper and Trader Joe's is out of eggs, and you end up buying a case of bottled water even though your fridge has water because everyone else has carts filled with them. The stress is palpable and heavy, spiking and charging the very air we share, everywhere we go now.

It's hard to wrap our heads around all of the schools being closed and basically everything "normal" being canceled. My daughters' school will be closed for at least a month. My husband's work has given everyone two weeks off for spring break, and everything will happen remotely the two weeks after that. So, that's a month for him to be home, too.

This weekend, my daughter didn't attend Girl Scouts or a birthday pool party. My husband and I skipped a wine tasting party, and I was going to miss my acting class— until it was canceled.

We're canceling our spring break trip to Mexico to explore ruins with cousins and siblings. We're canceling our summer plans to go to Taiwan so my daughters can learn Chinese. I love travel and am sad to let those adventures go, but I also recognize how lucky I am to be "stuck" somewhere pretty nice and continue to strive to find the bright side of all this.

So, as we grapple to find our new normal, here is something to consider.

What if the world's problem is not coronavirus? What if our collective ailment is our competitive go-go-go mentality that has left everyone feeling increasingly isolated and stressed? What if the coronavirus and our now enforced quarantine is the solution?

I know this will not be a popular opinion, but I think maybe staying home and slowing down is just what we all need.

Maybe we were so pigheaded about going forward forward forward (or what we perceived to be forward), unable to even consider slowing down, that it took something as crazy as COVID-19 to literally knock the wind out of us, grabbing both of our arms and stapling us to the floor, to force us to snap out of our whirlwind lives and STOP for a second to look around and consider our lives.

I can imagine someone rising from the dust of being thrown to the ground, shaking their head in a daze as they look around, like Dorothy waking up in Oz. Except this is our real life that we maybe allowed to go on autopilot for too long.

How did I get here? Is this the life I want? Am I giving the world all that I can? Am I on the path that best serves me and my family? Am I pushing myself in the best ways-- growing, contributing, leaving a lasting positive impact on our collective world?

Maybe the coronavirus is actually a wake-up call to live our lives more fully.

If you're an adult, is this the grown-up life you'd dreamed of living when you were a kid?

If you're a parent, I can imagine the dazed head shaking and saying, "Wow, my daughter/son is how old now?" It can almost bring me to tears when I think of my young children— weren't they just babies a second ago? Where has the time gone? Have I done enough and loved them enough as a mama? What if the rest of their childhood passes in a blur, and I miss it? I can't let that happen!

If you're an even more mature adult, have you used your decades on this planet to serve humanity, gather wisdom, and share love and kindness to all? (Because you know, all people are supposed to have done that by the time they're old, right?)

We have more control than we think, and we can all live lives that we want. It's not just a luxury for the ultra rich (who I have not perceived to be happier or more free).

Within our mundane everyday lives, we can find sparkling moments of joy and love and connection and meaning, but we have to create the space and time for them— and many of us don't seem to have even a nanosecond to stop and breathe. (Hi, parents of young children! Hi, entrepreneurs giving our sweat and blood to nothing more than an idea! Hi, caretakers devoting yourselves to someone else's every day quality of life! And everyone who is giving their all to the struggle that is everyday life! I see you!)

Enter: CORONAVIRUS.

Now, even the world's #1 workaholic has an excuse to just sit down for a second and look around. And that's a form of grace and forgiveness. We all get a break.

So, while not glamorous or exciting, my family is doing a deeper cleaning/organizing of our house today-- something we never have time for. All those random doodads (my girls' "art supplies") that have been stashed here and there are now going to be given proper homes or discarded.

We've been looking at recipes we've been meaning to try but haven't had time for.

My 4-year-old says we should snuggle and read stories all day, and for the first time, it's an idea that we could actually consider.

Of course, we haven't even gotten to day 1 of a month of no school, so ask me how I'm feeling again in a couple days, and I might be ready to drop kick my fighting, complaining kids to outer space, but in the meantime, I'm going to try to find my place of peace and love. And remember to be grateful that for whatever unfathomable reason it might be, I'm given a little extra space to breathe right now.

There's something beautiful in stopping and looking around every once in a while, and I'll try to make the most of it.

carpe kairos

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My dear friend, Heather, gave me some much-needed inspiration.

We're always told to carpe diem (seize the day!), especially as parents of young children (enjoy every second!), but a day is a long time to try to wrangle any control over. A moment, though, feels more attainable. And Heather shared with me the expression:

carpe kairos

Instead of trying to seize an entire day, we can hope to grasp a moment. One moment at a time.

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Chronos is clock time; kairos is the way time feels. Moments rather than measured time. And more than any old moment: the perfect moment. When chronos time slips away, and time stops for a moment, that's kairos.

I hope we've all experienced this. You're walking along and notice something beautiful—sunlight pouring through trees, a smile, a melody, whatever moves you—and time stops for a moment.

At best, a perfect moment gives you the feeling that all is right with the world. That everything is going to be okay. You can exhale and let everything else go.

Kairos.

One of my favorite kairos experiences was sitting in an open tree house in Thailand high over swaying palm trees watching the water sparkle in the distance below. Time didn't exist.

Kairos.

And seizing it even feels too forceful, too harsh. My goal now is simply to be paying attention, to be present and aware enough so that when a blip of kairos happens (my four-year-old suddenly snuggles up to me and says, "I love you, Mama," or my one-year-old claps and squeals with glee when she sees me), instead of being distracted or worse, irritated by an interruption (cringe!), I can stop and breathe in that love and hug my girls and feel gratitude for that moment.

These moments may last but seconds, but they feed our souls and can sustain us through the days when life (and chronos) weigh us down. These are the moments that make a life. 

So, let's not try to carpe diem today. Let's tone it down a bit and carpe kairos instead.

search inside yourself

Chade-Meng Tan was one of the early Google engineers, and he created a course for Google employees that helps them be more effective both at work and in their personal lives. As someone who works constantly on being less reactive (think before acting), I especially appreciated his "Siberian North Railroad" concept. Basically, instead of riding emotions like a horse that leads you wherever, you learn how to steer and control the horse. :-)

24 days with téa

It's a girl! I can now admit I secretly hoped for a second girl and was thrilled to have gotten one. My partner and I are hoping our girls will grow up close and potentially interested in many of the same things... And if that doesn't happen, at the very least, we can use the same clothes for our second daughter, and that's great, too.

So, I've been the mother of two girls for twenty-four days now, and it's interesting how different my partner and I are with our second child.

The main lesson we've learned is that newborns aren't that fragile after all, and we're way more relaxed about everything. Nursing is a way better experience now that I know what I'm doing and what to expect. And while the novelty of a new baby isn't the same as it was the first time, my partner and I are both deeply, madly in love with our new little one in the same overwhelming way we were with our first.

siddhartha by herman hesse

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Life has a way of continuing to surprise me every day—just when I think I've seen it all, another curveball comes my way. So, it seemed a good time to revisit these two grounding chapters from Herman Hesse's Siddhartha. Enjoy. :-)


Awakening

As Siddhartha left the grove in which the Buddha, the Perfect One, remained, in which Govinda remained, he felt that he had also left his former life behind him in the grove. As he slowly went on his way, his head was full of this thought. He reflected deeply, until this feeling completely overwhelmed him and he reached a point where he recognized causes; for to recognize causes, it seemed to him, is to think, and through thought alone feelings become knowledge and are not lost, but become real and begin to mature.

Siddhartha reflected deeply as he went on his way. He realized that he was no longer a youth; he was now a man. He realized that something had left him, like the old skin a snake sheds. Something was no longer in him, something that had accompanied him right through his youth and was part of him: this was the desire to have teachers and to listen to their teachings. He had left the last teacher he had met, even he, the greatest and wisest teacher, the holiest, the Buddha. He had to leave him; he could not accept his teachings.

spirituality research: ask and it is given

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I don't even know where I came across this book title, but I requested it from my library just to see if it would be interesting.

Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks is probably too new agey for many of my intellectual friends, but I'm trying to be open to everything and learning what I can from it all.

So, the basic premise of this book is that your feelings are your compass-- if something feels good, then you are on the right track (because we are designed to be joyous creatures in this world), and if something makes you feel bad, you need to recalibrate (or recalculate, as our GPS always says).

Here is the scale of emotions:

1. Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation
2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4. Positive Expectation/Belief
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11. "Overwhelment"
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

spirituality research: help thanks wow

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I'm writing a novel that deals with spirituality, and I've come across all kinds of interesting ideas and philosophies in my research. After reading the Tanakh, the Bible, the Qur'an, the Bhagavad Gita, Paths to God by Ram Dass, and the Satanic Bible (it's good to see a variety of perspectives), I started seeking out more modern texts to see what they had to say.

Beloved writer of writers, Anne Lamott, wrote Help Thanks Wow, "the three essential prayers," with her usual poetic language and vivid descriptions about her experience with religion and spirituality.

Her parents "worshipped at the church of the New York Times" and raised her to believe that people who prayed were ignorant, so when she prays (and she now prays many times a day), it's to "God" as shorthand for Love and Life and everything bigger than we can comprehend.

Do you have something that you can't quite figure out? Something you can't let go of? She has created a "God box," which can be any physical container that will be used to contain whatever is driving you crazy. Her prayer for this sounds something like this: "Here. You think you're so big? Fine. You deal with it. Although I have a few more excellent ideas on how best to proceed."

It's a great visual for the Help prayer, which is about letting go, recognizing "you have ruined things enough for the time being," and surrendering to whatever happens.