another happy dance around the world

I enjoy living under a rock, but I somehow missed this video that came out four years ago. In any case, it's an awesome follow-up to my favorite video of all time.

Enjoy.

juicing for health

via

This juicing trend has been around for years, and I didn't have any opinion of it one way or the other until I saw my brother-in-law last month for the holidays.

He has a desk job and had slowly gained weight, as so many people do. First, he lost about twenty pounds five years ago after we shared The China Study with our families. He started doing yoga for his back. Then, he started juicing.

happy 2016

via

Happy new year. I know I'm a little late to this party, but here's a little inspiration to get fired up.

"Don't ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because the world needs people 
who have come alive."

- Howard Thurman

Go be alive! May your 2016 be full of life, adventure, and laughter.

find the should and ditch the guilt

via

Happy December! This can be one of the most joyous months of the year, but it can also be one of the most stressful. So, let's talk about freedom. Two imprisoning concepts for many people seem to be expectations and guilt (often related but not necessarily so).

Eric Barker has written a few different posts about expectations, and the takeaway exercise or game I really like is called "find the should." As Barker says, we don't get upset about events; we get upset about our beliefs.

Our lives don't change at the moment when someone passes away, but we may fall apart when someone tells us the news a few days later as if it just happened. Or we may find someone offensive and rude until we hear that their child is battling cancer, and then we become more forgiving, more patient.

Barker uses traffic as an example. We find it frustrating because the highways should be clear, or traffic should be elsewhere—but reality isn't always so agreeable. If we learn to expect traffic as part of a normal commuting experience, for example, we can accept it rather than let it ruin our day. Instead of spending an hour grumbling and stressed about being late, we can listen to an audiobook and leave earlier so as not to feel so rushed.

I know. It's all easy in theory; I'd also do yoga and work out every day in this hypothetical world. But in this case, I've found even working on this a little has yielded huge benefits, and with practice, it does make our lives more pleasant.

Long story short: We can avoid frustration regardless of what is happening. Nothing needs to change except our perception of a situation. We can choose our reality as we experience it, and that's powerful.

So, if you're feeling irritated, see if you can find the "should" that hasn't been fulfilled. He should know I'm allergic to cats/love brownies/hate zoos. She should remember I always order tuna but can't eat shellfish, and I'm going to the dentist at 2pm. S/he should take out the trash/cook dinner/clean the kitchen.

You get the idea. So, what's your "should"? Examine it. Is that expectation realistic? What if we get rid of the "should"?

This has become a good exercise my partner and I play whenever we get frustrated, and it usually dispels the irritation quickly. (It's also entertaining to make fun of each other's "shoulds" when we examine them in bright daylight. Like: My 3-year-old should know how to behave in a restaurant. Riiiiiight. Good one.)

The other burden people (especially parents) feel is guilt. Guilt for not spending enough quality time with the kids. Or guilt for not putting in enough time at work. Or both.

In Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's book, Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family, they discuss guilt as a poison that only creates hatred, and that's also pretty potent stuff. Their argument is that making children (or adults, for that matter) feel guilty makes them feel badly about themselves and eventually hate you for it. Yowsers. That'll make us think twice about making someone feel guilty, no?

And self-imposed guilt is just as toxic. I didn't blog at all during the month of November because I was frantically working on NaNoWriMo. I "won" and reached the 50,000-word milestone, but it means other things fell by the wayside. And that's a great analogy for life. We are the choices we make, and you don't need to feel guilty if you can't do every little thing perfectly.

We can only do the best we can from where we are with what we have, and that's as good as it'll get.

So, this got a little heavier than I planned, but it should be worth it. To recap:

find the should + ditch the guilt = freedom.

Now, that's a good gift we can give ourselves. 

don't apologize

Well, I should qualify that. Do apologize if you step on someone's foot or are an inadvertent jerk, but don't apologize if you're trying to create a masterpiece of some kind, and it falls short in your eyes.

There has been a lot of apologizing in my fiction writing course lately, and I say people, STOP apologizing for your work.

My partner and I always joke that it's too late to apologize.

Seriously, though. You are where you are, and that's just part of the process.

Ira Glass said it so well here.

As my acting teacher used to say:

You aren't the best; you aren't the worst.

So, let's put our egos aside and focus on the work.

Instead of saying, "I'm sorry," say:

"I'm awesome" 

instead.

Because at least you're trying, and that's more than many others can say.

Boo ya.

just say no

via

I'm more focused on saying no to too many commitments, but I thought this image was funny
(and saying yes to tacos is always a good thing, right?). 

It's easy to want to say yes to everything, but I am feeling more and more that time is too sacred and scarce to share indiscriminately. It's not like I'm going to die tomorrow (well, I hope not), but I want to do so many things, and especially with two little children, the time to get things done is minimal.

We've learned that sleep deprivation makes you stupid and zaps your creativity, so my earlier tactic of simply not sleeping to get everything done isn't the way to go. And if we only have so many waking hours, what can we do?

We have to cull. The word, cull, comes from killing off weaker animals to strengthen the herd, which seems appropriate. You have to be ruthless if you really want to make progress. What is absolutely crucial? What are the things that truly makes our souls soar into the sky? We are what we spend time doing.

For me, I'm on a mission, and I'm starting to cut everything out. If it isn't time with my family or writing, it's pretty much getting cut out of my life. I want to finish these writing projects, and I want to spend time with my family. Everything else feels like a distraction right now. I know I'm being a bit intense, but you have to be, or else life will pass you by—and "eventually" will never come. At the writer's conference, one of the instructors said he scheduled his writing time and treated it like a real appointment, never to be missed.

So, if you want to develop a craft or fulfill a dream, you, too, will have to protect the time doing what is most precious to you, and say no to everything else (even if it's fun).

unfurling

via

You know that intoxicating, exhilarating feeling you get when you're falling in love with someone or something new? Where you feel like you've been crumpled up into a tight little ball all of your life and can finally spread your wings and be you and free and open and larger than life and part of the universe at large?

I found it.

For now.

I've fallen in love before, felt this high before, and then life gets in the way, and I lose it again. Well, I'm a little older and a little wiser now, and I'm hoping I'll get to enjoy this flight a little longer this time.

And where is this magical feeling? Funny enough, it has been inspired by my first MOOC (massive open online course) that I'm taking with the University of Iowa. Yes, they're considered the bastion of creative writing in the country, etc., etc., etc. And the fiction course has already been both illuminating and fun. But the real spark for me is the combination of actively writing while also being part of a writing community.

It's like being a frog in a duck pond for years and then discovering other frogs. I've finally found my tribe, and we are a wonderfully quirky bunch. We make jokes about Oxford commas, exalt in a beautiful phrase, and delight in making sentences richer or tighter or more compelling. We bang our heads, drawing the famous trio of body fluids (blood, sweat, and tears) as we struggle to translate the inklings in our heads that feel so magnificent into concrete words that will hopefully also make sense to other people. And maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to write something that someone else will recognize as the truth.

I've connected with one writer so far who I'm already calling my MOOC BFF, and she alone has made my experience as a student once again so much more entertaining and more inspiring than I expected or thought possible. Having someone along for the ride, even if I've never seen her face or heard her voice or know what race she is or anything else, has given the solitary writing career a warmth that I didn't realize was possible. We are connecting as writers first and foremost, and that is an amazing validating experience, too. Thanks, Heather. I've only "known" you online and only for a few weeks so far, but you've already made a positive impact in my life.

So, I tried one career after another, "dating" usually for about four years, and now, I think I've found the One. I'm hoping to finally settle down and commit to being a writer. 100%. No more excuses or distractions.

And from this dream cloud I'm floating in, filled with love and light and enthusiasm, I wish this feeling for everyone. I'm working on a screenplay and hoping to finish it this month. Then, I've signed up for NaNoWriMo and hope to write the novel version of the story in November. And then I have another previous story that I hope to craft into both a novel and screenplay. So, I've made my public commitment and now have to live up to it.

What makes you come alive? What would you do if time and money were no object? What can you do right now/today/this week to inch closer to your dream life? Let's make it happen!

I'm fired up! The sky can't hold me! Want to join me? Let's go!

a love story in 52 seconds

I just attended the Central Coast Writer's Conference, and this was one of the highlights: a love story in fifty-two seconds. Enjoy.

good news network

via

I love new beginnings: new years, birthdays, and the start of a new school year. My husband teaches, and my daughters are both going to "school" this fall, so there is a palpable excitement in our house about the new chapter beginning soon. (School starts on Monday.)

If you're in need of a pick-me-up, and the usual bad-news news is bringing you down, I've found the Good News Network to be a great source of good deeds and happy events.

Here's a rundown of some recent happenings:

- Why 100 Black Men In Suits Were Cheering by a School Bus 

via

- Mexico Asked Graffiti Artists To Paint An Entire Town – Joy Was the Result

via

- He Hauls His Upright Piano to Beaches and Parks Just to Make Your Day

via

-  Quiet Time Program Brings Radical Improvement To Schools Worldwide

via

It's nice to be reminded that the world is a good place.

48 days with téa

It's strange to think that my little girl has only been alive (in the outside world) for 48 days. She seems to be halfway between animal and human. One moment, she's all instinct and just wants to eat. The next, she'll look into my eyes like an intelligent being and break into the biggest smile. It melts my heart.

I'm finally coming to terms and making peace with not being a business owner anymore, and I feel lucky to be home with my baby and have grounded myself in my new life rather than wondering what my next job title will be. I have lots of ideas and projects rolling around in my mind, but my baby is growing so quickly (not to mention my 3-year-old!) that everything else can wait for now.

With my older daughter, I was working all the time from the moment she was born until not that long ago, and I don't want to make that mistake again with my second daughter. I know that this baby phase is over in a blink, and I don't want to miss it this time.

So, this is a super short post, but I have a little baby to go stare at and cuddle with...