the next adventure

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It seems four years is my shelf life for a job/career. First, it was political science/international relations in Washington, DC, for college. Then, it was acting in L.A. Then, it was education for my Master's degree and teaching in a correctional facility in Boston. My students told me if I really wanted to make a difference in their lives, I should give them jobs. With a criminal record, they couldn't even get jobs bagging groceries; therefore, "selling drugs was their only option." Right.

So, I opened a coffee shop/bakery and because coffee is such a democratic industry, I ended up hiring plenty of formerly incarcerated and often very creative artist types to be baristas and bakers. Because I started the business with more of a nonprofit mentality, I never cut corners and have always given my team as much as I possibly could. I'm proud of what the shop serves, its customer service, and what it stands for, and I believe all businesses should have such integrity. Starting a business was the hardest thing I had done (until I became a parent).

Now, my little coffee shop is almost four years old, and with my (business) partner, we've also started a coffee roasting company. But, the clock is ticking, and it seems my time with both the coffee shop and the coffee roasting company is also coming to an end. My partner wanted more control, and I didn't want anything other than 50/50, so I am stepping down and leaving the business altogether. It's strange to think that once all of the loose ends are tied up, I will no longer be a business owner. It's a huge mental shift, since I thought I would own this business for the rest of my life, and it never occurred to me that I could leave my "babies" to do anything else. But, it also feels right.

I'm due to have my second (human) baby in four days, my (life) partner and I are hoping to go to Europe for his sabbatical year, and I just won't be that useful to the business as we move forward. So, tick tock, life keeps going, and we just have to adapt.

Now, I just have to figure out how I can be most useful as a human being. I just read Simplicity Parenting, and one lesson that really resonated with me (i.e., that I really needed) was the reminder to use words wisely. The filter the author describes is to make sure before you speak that what you say is true, kind, and necessary.

True? Bye bye, gossip, exaggeration and opinion posing as truth.

Kind? Everything can be communicated in at least twenty different ways. It takes a great person to be able to effectively and kindly communicate things that may not be as pleasant to hear, and the home is a great place to set an example of kindness as the default setting.

Necessary? In our clutter-filled world, will what we say be an improvement upon much needed silence? As a non-filterer, this one may be my greatest challenge, but I wholeheartedly embrace it and will try my best.

So, as I venture forward, starting over professionally yet again (still hoping for the One, rather than a four-year fling), I'll at least try to do so using words more carefully.

Kind. True. Necessary.

Let's go.

10 things you should do every day to improve your life

Erik Barker has great life reminders, and this one is exactly the kind of post I'm referring to. Simple, to-the-point, and research-based tips for a better life. May we all foster better habits to enjoy better lives.

What 10 Things Should You Do Every Day To Improve Your Life?

10 things that scientific research shows can help improve your life.

1) Get out in nature

You probably seriously underestimate how important this is. (Actually, there’s research that says you do.) Being in nature reduces stress, makes you more creative, improves your memory and may even make you a better person.

pregnant and crying? this'll make you feel better...

I've been much more emotional with this second pregnancy, and I found this to be both hilarious and comforting. If you or someone you know is pregnant and weepy, here's a list of things that have made other pregnant women cry that might make you/them feel better.

Enjoy!

thankful

This doesn't all apply to me, but I like it. Enjoy. :-)

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siddhartha by herman hesse

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Life has a way of continuing to surprise me every day—just when I think I've seen it all, another curveball comes my way. So, it seemed a good time to revisit these two grounding chapters from Herman Hesse's Siddhartha. Enjoy. :-)


Awakening

As Siddhartha left the grove in which the Buddha, the Perfect One, remained, in which Govinda remained, he felt that he had also left his former life behind him in the grove. As he slowly went on his way, his head was full of this thought. He reflected deeply, until this feeling completely overwhelmed him and he reached a point where he recognized causes; for to recognize causes, it seemed to him, is to think, and through thought alone feelings become knowledge and are not lost, but become real and begin to mature.

Siddhartha reflected deeply as he went on his way. He realized that he was no longer a youth; he was now a man. He realized that something had left him, like the old skin a snake sheds. Something was no longer in him, something that had accompanied him right through his youth and was part of him: this was the desire to have teachers and to listen to their teachings. He had left the last teacher he had met, even he, the greatest and wisest teacher, the holiest, the Buddha. He had to leave him; he could not accept his teachings.

the secret to never being frustrated again

This piece is so well-timed in my life, and I hope it'll give you some helpful reminders, too. From Erik Barker's well-loved blog... enjoy!

The Secret To Never Being Frustrated Again

Click here to read the post on the blog.



We all get frustrated.

The guy in front of you is driving like an idiot. Your boss is being a jerk. Your partner isn't listening.

And sometimes these all happen to you on the same day.

What's the fix for this? One guy came up with a solution that deals with all of these problems -- and more.

Albert Ellis was quite a character. He was controversial. Outspoken. A bit of a rebel. In fact, the book he's most famous for was titled: How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anything.

Clever but a bit unprofessional, right? Here's the thing: according to asurvey of psychologists he was the 2nd most influential psychotherapist ever. Sigmund Freud came in third.

Here's what Wikipedia says about his system:

In general REBT is arguably one of the most investigated theories in the field of psychotherapy and a large amount of clinical experience and a substantial body of modern psychological research have validated and substantiated many of REBTs theoretical assumptions on personality and psychotherapy.

His stuff works. And it's as simple as ABCD -- quite literally, as you'll see below.

So how can you never be frustrated again? Let's break it down.

The Tyranny Of "Should"

Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Here's what you need to take away from Ellis' work:

You don't get frustrated because of events. You get frustrated because of your beliefs.

entre amigos in san pancho, mexico

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Greetings from Mexico! We have been traveling a ton, so I'm sorry for being MIA for so long. I will post pictures from our trip to India next, but for this post, I had to share a beautiful nonprofit I discovered today called Entre Amigos (Between Friends), based in San Pancho (San Francisco), Mexico.

The founder, Nicole Swedlow, started in 2006 teaching arts and crafts to children with a little art cart on the street, and now, it's a 16,000 square foot space that beautifully combines education, community, art, recycling, a free library, language classes, and a cafe in a wonderfully welcoming atmosphere that you can learn more about here.

If I could create something like this in my lifetime, I would die a happy woman.

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As a bonus, Swedlow, described as extremely humble, was honored by the Dalai Lama last spring as an "unsung hero of compassion," as you can read about here.

check email less often to be happier and more productive

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I check my email ridiculously often just to keep up with the inflow, but it turns out that's both less efficient and causes more stress.

A study of email habits in a recent NYT article serves as a great reminder of this. Check your email two to three times (max!) a day to be more productive and less stressed.

Check this out:

In other words, cutting back on email might reduce stress as much as picturing yourself swimming in the warm waters of a tropical island several times a day.

What?! Done. Even better? Schedule it, so it's a habit and requires no thinking or planning.

The research says it's better NOT to check email first thing in the morning (so you can use that start-the-day burst of energy to do something more important or that requires more mental focus), and I find this pretty challenging, too. I'll usually at least take a peek to see if there is anything urgent, but the truth is, replying to emails within 24 hours is totally reasonable for almost anything and everything, so perhaps the best scenario is to check email once a day at, say, 2pm, after lunch, when our energy is low. And that's it. Or maybe just one super quick peek in the morning to make sure there are no fires to put out. But just a quick peek.

Tim Ferris recommends checking email only once a week, with an auto-reply suggesting that people call him if it's more urgent than that. And the truth is that people will call if they don't get an email back from you in time. I prefer to do certain things via email (so efficient for simple information transfer!) and really don't enjoy talking on the phone, so we can all figure out what works best for each of our personalities.

But the bottom line and moral of the story is—don't check email too often, as it zaps both energy and productivity. And I like picturing myself basking in warm, tropical waters...

create the life you seek

"The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you." 

- Neil DeGrasse Tyson 

how to stick to your goals

Happy 2015! Here's a happify infographic on what works when it comes to realizing your goals. Enjoy! May your goals for 2015 all come true!