Reality, fiction and believability

I attended a great adolescent/children's literature panel discussion, featuring Lois Lawry, Jack Gantos and Mitali Perkins. They were a great and very diverse group: Jack was hilarious with his dry wit and diagrams, Mitali told cultural stories that were tragically hilarious, and Lois is just an amazing storyteller.

One story, in particular, grabbed me:

When Lois was 12, she lived in Japan because her father was stationed in Tokyo. Perhaps to make them feel more 'at home,' they were placed in an all-American house in a (fake) all-American neighborhood. Not content to be stuck in a bubble and ever-curious, Lois would take her green bicycle out and ride it all over town to see what real Japanese life was like. One of her favorite pastimes was stopping at a Japanese school to watch the kids playing. (Sounds a little creepy, but remember, she was a kid then, too.) As she continued to watch kids playing on different occasions, a little boy started to watch her watching them.

Many years later, when Lois won the Newbury award for children's literature, the ceremony also awarded the Caldecott award for children's illustration to a Japanese man. Delighted to practice her Japanese, Lois signed the man's book in Japanese. When he asked her how she had learned to write her name in Japanese, she explained how she lived in Tokyo, and they compared details-- and he said, "So, you were the girl on the green bike." And she figured out that he was the boy who had watched her watching him and the other children in the schoolyard.

Lois was so excited, she pitched this as a story idea and was told that no one would ever believe it. It's funny how often, real life is less believable than fiction. Go figure.

Names, too much reality and a good life

I love the New York Times. Aside from the general desire to be a somewhat well-informed citizen, they have great op-eds, great Obama coverage, and totally random other stuff, like these recent pieces:

1. Shakespeare asked what was in a name, claiming that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Well, sometimes, the bard is wrong, and it just isn't true. Imagine being one of these people and how old the jokes would get. I vow never to make fun of anyone from being from a place like Crapstone ever again.

2. A creepy answer to "How do you know society's obsession with fame and reality entertainment has gone too far?"

3. In more positive news, John McPherson shows that one can make a difference in seemingly tiny ways.

Cue action movie soundtrack

Traveling can often be exciting. And I'm not even talking about the arriving at some breathtaking foreign scene and exploring little alleyways. No, I'm talking about the often banal process of traveling itself. The boarding of buses, trains, airplanes and so on.

I've had a few, shall we say memorable, experiences. When my partner and I were taking a train to the Venezuela-Brazil soccer game, we jumped onto the moving train while asking if it was the right one. (We could almost hear the "Indiana Jones" soundtrack as we caught the right train in motion-- and didn't maim ourselves in the process.)

Yesterday was such an occasion. We were supposed to fly to San Luis Obispo via Phoenix on an airline that will not be mentioned (cough, cough, US Airways). Our flight was supposed to depart from Boston at 4:30pm, we'd catch our connection in Phoenix around 8:30pm, and we'd be in San Luis by 9:30pm. Sounded great. Except that said airline announced that we were making an unexpected stop in Nashville, Tennessee, which would get us into Phoenix around 10:30pm. They said everyone with connecting flights should go back to the ticketing agents and no, they would not be putting anyone up for the night.

We leapt up and got back in line (and waited while the staff cut in front of us-- so much for customers first), and they said they couldn't get us into SLO in time for my partner's interview at 8am the following morning. We finally canceled the flight altogether and decided we were on a mission (cue "Mission Impossible" music) to get to SLO by 8am, no matter what it took.


We ran over to jetblue, bought tickets and hopped on the next flight to Oakland. (Once we were charged $15 for our one suitcase and saw signs for $2 sodas on the other airline, jetblue seemed like an oasis of luxury with their unlimited snacks and beverages.) For those of you who are familiar with San Luis Obispo, a charming little town on the Pacific coast about halfway between L.A. and San Francisco, you'll know that Oakland is not exactly nearby.

So, we arrived in Oakland around 11:30pm, and we were almost thwarted again as the car rental company we'd reserved through (Budget, who said they'd be open till 1am) was deserted and definitely closed before midnight. We checked the remaining companies and finally found our godsend at Avis around 1am and set off. My partner and I each drove half of the three hours and arrived in San Luis Obispo at 4am, checked into our hotel-- and my partner went to his interview without a hitch in the morning. Yay! (Cue "Rocky" music.)

Now, all we need for the happy ending is to get the job offer. With a huge bonus for trumping the travel-disaster gods and getting here in time anyway. Like unlimited funds to go traveling around the world, for example.

Facebook, friends and the future

I finally spent some time on facebook this past weekend. Yes, I'd had an account for a while, but I never took the time to seek out old friends. I'd just accepted whoever wanted to be friends (well, except for people I either didn't know or didn't feel were actually friends).

It was pretty mindblowing. Friends from middle school, high school, college-- people I hadn't seen in ages and ages-- were all there. Many, smiling with spouses and babies, and many, working in fancy jobs. Time flies, and so much happens-- and the miracle is that when you reach out to long, lost friends, it's as if you saw each other last week. It's a beautiful experience, and I feel so grateful to have connected with such amazing people. Thank you!

Meanwhile, the future has arrived:

And it looks pretty cool. Have you had a moment when you were stuck in traffic, and you suddenly remembered the Jetsons? And you dreamed of your own flying car soaring high above the 405 (and that jerk who saw you signalling and sped up)? Well, boys and girls, don't let the grouchy adults get to you, because sometimes dreams do come true. More info here.

Friday funnies

One of my students introduced me to comedian Demetri Martin, who I am now a fan of. Here is a video that has random art (not his). I especially like his video game idea.

Enjoy!

Today

Today is the anniversary of Roe v. Wade: On Jan. 22, 1973, the Supreme Court decided in Roe vs. Wade to legalize abortion. Hooray for progress, however slow it may sometimes seem.

I liked this New York Times op-ed, which included heart-warming global reactions to President Obama's taking the helm:

“Let the remaking of America begin today,” declared The Guardian, in Britain. The Independent called Inauguration Day “a day for hope.” In Germany, Chancellor Angela Merkel spoke of “a truly great hour for America” that offered “a multitude of opportunities.” The Times of India welcomed “a new beginning.” In Northern Ireland, The Belfast Telegraph asked: “Can Obama save us all?”

I feel like, if I get any more optimistic, I'm going to explode into shards of light, like Neo in "The Matrix." Thank goodness, as I remember the old days well.

(Let's hope those days are behind us now.)

The aforementioned op-ed also gets bonus points for quoting The Onion articles, "Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job" and "Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace and Prosperity Is Finally Over'."

The new first family is much more representative of the diverse U.S. population now (click image for link to larger original).

And in case you missed it, here is President Obama's speech at Lincoln Memorial, delivered on January 18th. I liked his inaugural address, but I connected emotionally with this earlier one. Another op-ed discusses why Obama, who can clearly 'make us weep' when he chooses to, used his inaugural address to call for an 'era of responsibility' instead.

P.S. My student said she thought Justice Roberts and President Obama should have practiced the oath, and I agree. You'd think, with something this important, they would have run through it at least once. Well, no worries-- they've fixed it with a 25-second do-over. Just in case. In any event, I still think the minor flub was sweet-- like excitement and nervous laughter mangling wedding vows a bit.

The need for ceremony

I learned as I was watching the inauguration yesterday (yay, Obama!) that he would have technically been President of the United States at noon, regardless of what actually happened with the oath or the Supreme Court Justices or anything else. Similarly, students are considered graduated whether they walk during their commencement ceremonies or not. So, why all the fanfare? Why the pomp and circumstance? Especially in this belt-tightening economy.

I would argue that it isn't merely for celebration or showing off. I believe it allows us to transition, to clear out the old and welcome the new. Like a shared rite of passage or life milestone, letting us all know it's time. Like churches being built as high as possible to make people feel simultaneously dwarfed by and connected to their God, the beauty and spectacle of these life-changing events satisfy our need for the 'this is it' moment. We've been pumping with adrenaline, and these ceremonies offer us that release.

Indeed, weddings are similar. Couples could live just as happily without symbolic jewelry and official documents, but it is the declared promise and sharing the experience with loved ones that makes a wedding meaningful. (And not the 'if you love your spouse, you should buy this doily-like junk.' But I digress.)

My partner and I considered going down to DC for the inauguration (so historic, so exciting!), but we ended up just staying here in Cambridge. We watched Joe Biden and Barack Obama getting sworn in and President Obama's inaugural address (video) in a hushed dining hall with tables of mesmerized students. No one stood when they asked people to stand, but everyone clapped as if we were there. Sharing those experiences with a group of people made it more meaningful, and watching it streaming live on our computer screen at home just would not have been the same.

I hope you had a chance to share this momentous occasion with others, too, and may we all (Americans and non-Americans alike) enjoy a better future with the new leader of the United States, President Barack Obama.

P.S. My favorite moment: when President Obama, in his excitement and nervousness, took a little while to say his oath (video). It shows me he is human and, though usually immaculately eloquent, can experience that spark of childlike exhilaration, too.

What is this Internet thing?

Okay, I have officially been living under a rock. My friend introduced me to the world wide web that I thought I had been using. Apparently, I had only been in the Internet airport and and had always taken off before seeing anything. Well, not anymore! From now on, I'm going to walk around town and marvel at all the amazing things out there.

So, here you go. Six of the coolest things I found in this crazy place called Internet (aka Procrastination Land). It's a lot of clicking through, so not for the faint of heart (i.e., those who want to get work done). Enjoy!

1. The coolest batteries ever. You recharge them by plugging them into your USB port. Genius!

2. People art. Those Turks know how to move... (And for the record, yes, it is a bank commercial. A work-of-art bank commercial.)

3. The hotel room of the future. No angles anywhere. You can change the color on the walls. A robot brings you drinks. A bathroom mirror that doubles as a computer screen so you can check your email. Whoa, right? And get this! The clincher? You can tell the bed to rock you to sleep, and it will. Voice command + bed that rocks you to sleep = neato.

4. Four life skills learned from living overseas. Not sure if you'll need them right away, but it probably wouldn't hurt to have them in your arsenal.

5. If you just want to be completely depressed or feel your life is tough and need to put it in perspective, just read this or this. Very powerful, very sad. Why is there so much suffering in the world?

6. In order to feel hopeful again, here are six eco-warriors and six pretty incredible kids, who are already making the world a better place. And Razoo's 100 top charities, in case you feel inspired.

And the bonus #7! A phone that you don't have to plug into a wall called a cellular phone. Amazing! Just kidding. I've heard of those and even use one. Occasionally.

The five love languages

Here is a story demonstrating the importance of clear communication:

On the first day of third grade, my partner's teacher told everyone in the class to make a name sign. "Like this," he said. He held up a piece of construction paper and wrote his name on it in clear, big letters: LETON. He told the class to come in the next day with colgaropas (this was in Bolivia) and their name signs. Apparently, colgaropa could mean either clothes pin or hanger, though, so the next morning, when the teacher instructed the students to attach their name signs to their shirts, everyone was confused.

It turns out half of the kids showed up with hangers, and half the kids showed up with clothes pins. Frustrated, the teacher changed the subject. "All right, let's see everyone's name signs." The little hands held up their name signs, and half of them had written LETON on their signs instead of their own names. Poor Leton. I guess he needed to be a little more specific.

So, to make sure my partner and I didn't turn into unintentional Letons, one of my closest friends got this book for us as one of our many wedding gifts (thank you), and it took about five months, but we have finally both finished reading it now (sorry we're such slackers).

Now, I know purple was the 'it' color this past fall and all that nonsense, but I have to admit: if I saw this book in a bookstore, I would very likely have run away from it. Purple and pink -- and not just any pink, but pink in a curly font? A hokey title like Love Languages, complete with a couple walking into the sunset with a heart on the beach and the word, "Heartfelt"? HECK, no. Shoot me now.

WELL. Good thing we've learned not to judge a book by its cover. (Right?) It was actually quite a hilarious read-- and informative, too. The premise of the book was that we speak and need to hear 'love' in different ways-- that we speak different 'languages' and that if we could simply translate our intentions to please into the language that our loved ones would understand/respond to/appreciate, then we would all live happily ever after.

Dr. Chapman outlines five principal languages (each with varying 'dialects'):

- words of affirmation

- quality time

- gifts

- acts of service

- physical touch

We tend to give to our loved ones primarily in one language, which often (but not always) is the one that we prefer. (This is not necessarily conscious. Children, for example, who constantly want to hold your hand and be physically near you may simply need physical reassurance to know you care-- and a good hug will show your love to them more than a new toy will.) Chapman argues that marriages often fall apart because people are speaking different languages to each other, giving their all, but not giving what their partner needs, which = two exhausted, drained and frustrated people.

So, you work your behind off to buy your partner all the gifts that you never had when you were growing up, thinking it is the ultimate sacrifice-- and your partner complains that all she wants is to spend some time with you. Sputtering and angry, you want to yell expletives into the night air-- you give everything you possibly can! How dare she complain! According to this book, your partner simply values quality time above all else. (Now, go sit on the couch and talk with her and focus only on her for fifteen minutes while you talk about your days, dreams, etc.)

Or you've been telling your partner how wonderful and attractive he is until you're blue in the face, and your partner says you may talk a lot, but what do you ever do around the house to help out? That clues you in-- a ha! My partner values acts of service: helping with household chores, cooking a nice meal, etc.

It's like W.C. Fields said: “Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days, we had to live on nothing but food and water." One person just wants a steak, and the other just wants a beer, but as the steak lover gives the beer lover nothing but steak, and the beer lover gives the steak lover nothing but beer, both starve, yearning for what they really need. And it surely wasn't due to a lack of effort.

The heartbreaking part of the book are the endless stories of couples who waited twenty years to see this guy, who was able to turn things around within a few months. The impressive part of the book was how easy it was to understand (no fancy lingo) and how easy it was to see an easy-to-follow action plan.

The naysayers are shrugging like jaded Parisians, saying euh, yes, but that is all so obvious. Well, one might think so, but I can see how this simple philosophy could already improve several of my relationships. Take my mother, for example. She values sacrifice, so gifts = working hard to provide for your loved ones. Acts of service = doing something you don't want to do in order to please someone you care for. To her, quality time is something you also get to enjoy, so it isn't doing something for someone else. Words of affirmation are a load of junk without action to back it up. And she is a conservative Asian woman-- what is this physical touch you talk about? Uh, never mind.

So, to the know-it-alls, if you knew this and already have a perfect relationship with no communication foibles whatsoever, good on ya! (That's Australian for 'good for you,' often followed with 'mate!') For the rest of us imperfect humans, I found this to be a useful platform from which to discuss things. There is no blame, no one has failed or fallen short-- we simply have different preferences. All that is needed is to focus our efforts on where it will be most appreciated (and where it will get the most mileage). In a nutshell, instead of treating someone as we want to be treated, we treat them how they would like to be treated.

So, how would you rank the five love languages? What about your loved ones? Are you speaking the languages they need? Are you receiving the messages you need?

One could practically write a book on this. Oh, wait...

Miracles do happen

Yesterday, I heard about a plane crashing into the Hudson and people surviving. But then I saw this photo, and for some reason, it really made me pause. Wow. The passengers are standing on the wings of the plane. At first, I thought the plane was sitting in shallow water, but no. Not at all.

So, of course, the first question is why the plane had to crash land in the river to begin with. Here is the play-by-play (excerpted from the Boston Metro):

3:25 US Airways Flight 1549, with 150 passengers, two pilots and three crew members, takes off from La Guardia, en route to Charlotte, NC.

3:26 The flight reaches 500 feet.

3:27 The plane hits a flock of geese, knocking out both engines, at 3400 feet while flying over central Bronx. The crew declares an emergency.

3:28 The pilot turns sharply left, heading towards the Hudson River. The plane hits 1700 feet.

3:29 The plane reaches 1000 feet then 500 feet. The passengers are told to 'prepare for impact.' The plane ditches (i.e., crash lands in the Hudson River) opposite West 42nd Street. Miraculously, the aircraft remains intact.

3:31 The first ferry and tourism boats arrive on the scene to begin rescue.


Pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger is declared a hero, and all 155 people aboard the plane are fine. I feel like the kid in "The Incredibles," who yells "That's wicked awesome!"

For more coverage, the Huffington Post does a pretty good job (and is updating, too) here.